B.O. Stank and The Shrinking Dress

I procrastinate. I admit it. It's the story of my life. Ask any of my friends I went to school with if I studied a week before the test, or if I was prepared for anything in advance. Nah. You'd think I would learn from all of the stress I have put myself through.. The billions of all-nighters I have pulled, all of the times I have waited the night before to find something to wear for the big event the next day. Well, I waited until the day before my friend Tiffany's wedding to find something to wear. No big deal.

It's 11pm, and I'm finally sitting down. I am proud to say I had a pretty successful day, even though I began shopping at 1pm this afternoon. I found a dress a few days ago, but I kept debating whether or not it's too casual or not, so I decided to trek to rhe Mall to see what it had to offer. I figured I could find a cute belt, some dressy shoes, a cute clutch, new jewelry.. etc. to dress it up some, but since I was going to the Mall, I figured I might as well check out some dresses and if I found one better, I'd get it.

I was about 3.5 hours into my shopping expedition. All I had accomplished was trying on a few pair of jeans (that didn't work) and I found a cute belt. Still no clue what exactly I was going to wear - Maybe the dress I bought a few days ago? Augh. I kept looking.

Body aching and dying of thirst, I arrived at my 3rd department store for the day: Macy's. I looked around, found some cute shoes, but threw up in my mouth when I saw how exepensive they were. Moved on to dresses. BINGO! Found the cutest dress in the INC department, my size too.

I headed for the dressing room where I was greeted by the most foul B.O. stench, that I swear I could see misting a greenish color in the air. Ohmigosh. I took a deep breath and told myself that I had to bear it because this could totally be The Dress. I waited for a room to open, and of course this scraggly-looking woman fumbles out of the dressing room and says something to me in foreign words. I think she told me she was finished and I should take her room. Oh. my. gosh. As I entered her room, I began chewing on the B.O. I had smelled and thought I might pass out. Of course I get the dressing room it was living in. I held my breath, and quickly zipped the dress on. It fit, but it was eh.. nothing great. I had to get out of there. I tried the zipper and it was stuck. Really stuck. Umm. No problem, I can do this.

I messed with the zipper (which was located on my side, and was awkward to reach) for about 10 minutes before I started to really panic. Have you ever been shopping, and you just had to try on a ring and when you try to take it off it won't come off? And the harder you try, the bigger your hand seems to get and the more you panic? Picture that, only you're suffocating in B.O. stank and you're stuffed in a dress that is somehow shrinking by the second. I grabbed my phone and texted Justin and a couple friends for comfort. All I could imagine was being buried in that wretched dress that was beginning to cut off my circulation, or finding a pair of scissors so someone could cut me out of it.

I kept thinking, "There has to be a logical way out of this". I tried the zipper for 5 more minutes before I started to cry a little. Some woman in the room next to me kept making these crunchy noises as she was trying on her items and when I thought I'd heard it all, she tooted something loud and fierce. I literally thought I was going to die right there in the dressing room. I wasn't sure if I should laugh, or cry some more, or become The Hulk and just explode out of the dress that was holding me prisoner! As all of this was happening, of course some elderly woman who was manning the dressing rooms kept knocking on my door, asking, "Hellooo, is anyone home?" Are you kidding me right now?

I'm really not sure how long it took for me to solve the puzzle, but I managed to get out of the dress. Nothing was ripped or damaged. I didn't break anything (thank goodness!). I finally left the Mall with a few accessories, which I'm pretty happy about. I really don't know if I will ever go back to Macy's to try on dresses for a while, though. I'm pretty scarred for life.


xo