Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Drowning is Dying and Men Can't Have Babies

Working with kiddies can sure be entertaining. I'm about to hit my 4th year as a clinical counselor, and each year has been exciting, amusing and oh-so entertaining! It's not a surprise that I've met some pretty colorful kids who say and do 'the darndest things'. It definitely keeps me loving my what I do, despite all of the challenges that come with providing therapy.

I haven't been able to do any "letters to God" with my kids, but I came across a couple and couldn't not add them to this post. Plus, I found a pretty intense "warning letter" to someone who had the nerve to push nature aside for TV. Kids are hilarious!!

My mom {still} has a box of funny quotes and silly things my siblings and I did and said when we were little. Back when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, I had to call people to sponsor me for some fundraiser read-a-thon or walk-a-thon I had to do for school. I had my little list of people to call and my little shpeel rehearsed over and over. I called up each person, innocently asking for their money and commitment. My plan was to "seal the deal" by asking for their money per mile or a simple "flat fee". Looking back now, it's comical.. But back then? I was devastated after asking our family-friend to sponsor me with a "fat flea". My little moment of tongue-twisted stage freight has been an ongoing joke in my family ever since.

Like my mom, I have kept track of some of the hilarious things kids have said.

One of the first client's I worked with was a 6-year old who had a ridiculously strange resemblance to a chubby-cheeked Renee Zelweger. He had the cutest speech impediment and for the 2 years I worked with him, he knew me as 'Miss Wanna'. He passionately loved wrestling, break-dancing and mainstream rap music (so wrong!). He was somehow convinced that he had been to multiple movie premieres in Hollywood, as well as claimed to be the inventor of Monopoly. One time I tried to teach little Zelweger and his classmates how to play (even though he invented it..) and I had a migraine for 7 days straight. Another time, we were at the park and he saw an elderly lady sitting on a bench. While pointing and I'm sure loud enough for her to hear, he looked up at me and asked in a worried voice, "Ohh boy...why are her skins so stretchy?"

I worked with another little boy, a 5-year old who was pretty spoiled, but so very cute. He looked almost identical to Freddie Highmore. Not only was he responsible for accidentally locking my car doors - while my keys were in the ignition - with the AC on full blast - but on a daily basis, he demanded his mom make him a full to-go container of hot coffee with cream and sugar (what?!). Working with him in his classroom, I witnessed some pretty funny 'altercations' between him and the boy he called his "frenemy". He often argued about whether or not Spiderman was a "worthy fighter" and the fact that he 'lost all of his friends because he won fourth place in the 'smelly-shoe contest'. He would cry and cry, telling me how "devesmated" he was. Ha! Poor little guy..

One of the most baffling kids I've worked with was a 9-year old girl who said and did some pretty jaw-dropping things. Picture a kleptomaniac, miniature Kathy Kinney (minus the drag makeup). She was pretty set in her ways, as she engaged in different exercises and coping-skill activities focusing on feelings. What makes her happy? Sad? Angry? Disappointed? She answered all of my questions with the same response: Whether or not she got her way. She was a feisty thing when it came to earning rewards and activities. She lost it after I informed her we couldn't "relocate our session to Golden Corral, followed by an immediate trip to Carowinds" (for all you northerners, the equivalent would be Old Country Buffet & Valleyfair). She took her anger out on me during the 12 seconds I stepped out of the room. As soon as I returned, I couldn't miss her bold, handwritten F-word across a picture of Justin and me hanging at my desk. Oh, heyyyo no. Not only did she deny it for 20 minutes, claiming "someone else came in the room and did it quick", but when she finally admitted it, she dramatically dropped to her knees, begging me not to "call the law". Aside from her unpredictable behavior, she gave me quite a few laughs with the bizarre things she would say. During one of our sessions, we watched a portion of Cheaper by the Dozen. During our discussion, I asked her about things she learned.. related to communication, honesty, etc. Of course, she hadn't been paying attention to different communication styles in the movie, but instead she quickly started asking me questions about a scene where the dad was in the hospital for surgery. She began to talk about "his pregnancy" and would have kept going if I hadn't stopped her. Whaat? Trying to take her seriously, I proceeded to carefully remind her of a man's inability to have a baby and encouraged her to talk to her grandma about 'where babies come from'. Bless her heart. Later in therapy, somehow a discussion came up in which she attempted to argue that "drowning was not dying.. It means swimming for a long time".

Another kindergartener who always brightened my day, was a 5-year old mini-me Leonardo DiCaprio. Cutest kid and the most hilarious classmates. His classroom was one of my favorites to visit. One day, they had a substitute - an elderly woman. For snacktime, the sub gave each of the kiddies a bowl of cut-up oranges. As soon as my little buddy was given his bowl, he noticed the woman's wrinkly hands and immediately acted really anxious. With the most concerned look on his face, he looked at me and nervously said, "Was she in the tub too long or was she made that way?!" It didn't stop there. He looked at the woman and slowly reached out to poke her hand, as if he had never seen an elderly person in his life. Thankfully the woman (and I) had a pretty good laugh! Another day, a little boy in his class was talking about his birthday. I asked him when his birthday was, and he confidently replied, "May joonjin in the month-of-the-year.." I asked him a couple more times to repeat himself, thinking I had just missed what he was trying to say. Every time, he gave me the same answer. I sure wish my birthday was that day! Haha!

Just the other day, I was in session with a little, 6-year old boy I work with on a regular basis. We were working on a little craft, when he abruptly stopped and said he needed a bathroom break. After he did his business, we headed back to my office to continue our activity. Once he sat down, he folded his arms and looked at me in all seriousness and goes, "Tell me. Are sweat and pee cousins?" Oh my word! I tried my best to explain (in 6-year old words) where sweat comes from and how the body works. Last year, during one of the days I spent in his classroom, he was "playing house" during Center/Free Time. As I sat at a miniature kitchen table with a plastic piece of pizza and a realistic-looking sunny-side-up egg on my plate, I couldn't help but laugh as he and another little girl aka "his wife" carefully introduced me to his family: 3 baby dolls sitting next to me at the table. I asked what their kids' names were, in which they replied, "Polly, Michael Jackson and Candycane". HA!  During another session, I was with him at recess, as he loudly rallied up his classmates onto the slide. While saluting (haha), he instructed all of his friends to "take a ride on this rollercloaster!" So cute!

As if I haven't shared enough, I had to end this post with a couple videos. You remember "Kids Say the Darndest Things", right? I only remember it with Bill Cosby and it was so hysterical!

I can't wait to have hilarious little kids of my own.. I always tell Justin how I can't wait to actually have a conversation with our kids someday. I seriously can't wait. : )

"Dear God.." Letters
"TV Before Nature" Letter
Videos - click for source



  1. Love this blog, keep up the great work wish you all the best


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