Friday, May 20, 2011

Life or Something Like It

Just when life feels like it's as hard as it possibly could be, it always seems to get a little worse.

God has sure been challenging Justin and I over the past several weeks.. months.. YEARS.. to be patient. To trust. To have faith.

I thought it was interesting {and encouraging} that at Shepherding Group last night, we focused on James 1 and how trials and problems bring wisdom. It couldn't have been more specific to what we've been dealing with these days.. an unexpected surgery, days in the hospital, pain, no income and financial struggles, more pain, planning a ridiculously giant move and more pain on top of that. Of course, my immediate impulse is to cry out, "WHY, God?!?!?!" Why more? Why now? Why us? Why or how would we possibly need to learn more patience?

We have been encouraged (and humbled!) in so many ways. People calling and texting to ask how Justin's recovery has been, friends making or bringing over dinner, offers to help with the move.. It's hard (for me, at least) to accept so much generosity and so many gifts when I feel like we're constantly going through a "time of suffering". My poor husband has gone through so much in the last 9 months and I can't even begin to understand his pain or frustration.

Aside from planning a move, Justin has been out of work for more than a week, trying to recover from and excruciating surgery. I've been out of work myself, thanks to my job's yearly, unpaid, mandatory 2-week sabbatical. The timing of everything happening right now is  just astounding. Why NOW?! I dunno. Because it's God's plan and he knows we can handle it. It's still really easy to be discouraged and frustrated.

I didn't mean for this post to come out as a giant whine-fest. Sometimes it just feels good to vent. Honestly, I can't think of a bigger "are you kidding me right now?!" situation than what we are taking on right now. If only it were easier to look at it all and "JUST LAUGH" Auuhhm.. Not laughing yet. Definitely praising God though -- it could be SO much worse. It's incredible the peace He continues to provide and that doors continue to stay open regarding The Move.

We have been trying to manage everything that needs to be done before we leave and it's so overwhelming. Just last night, Justin began feeling a whole new pain that (we think) is unrelated to the procedure he had done a couple weeks ago, reaching us to a whole new level of stress and frustration. I just don't get it.

Things will most likely get more difficult before they get better. It seems almost impossible to be optimistic when we're in the middle such an overwhelming mess.  I don't even want to think about all the "goodbyes" and emotions that will happen with this move.. I'm a baby as it is just watching an iphone commercial or 5 minutes of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Saying "bye" to Justin's brothers and so many amazing friends - I honestly don't know how I'm gonna survive it. I can't wait to spend time with my family and old friends.. It's going to be so surreal, I just wish I could blink and it would happen now and not later.

That's all for now..


[photo - weheartit]

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