Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Crazy Pet People & the Woman Who Smelled Like Hair and Ketchup

People can sure be funny about their pets. I am the first to admit that I love putting clothes on Romeo and Coco and having little photo shoots of them looking at me like little stuffed animals.. I wouldn't dress them if they hated it though (hence, this & this). I'm glad they don't seem to mind it, because they are so stinkin' cute with little outfits and dresses and sweaters and coats on. Gah!

I've been meaning to bring our little Coco Chanel in to the Vet for a physical and to make sure she was caught up on her shots, plus Rome has been having random little "throw-ups" and I haven't had any clue why. Unfortunately, the day I had scheduled to take them in, Justin had to work late, so I had to brave it on my own. Two little dogs in their carriers, treats, leashes, poo bags, papers and records, plus my purse and everything, it's quite the challenge on my own. I hauled them into the clinic, signed in and took a seat.

It's funny how people seriously do resemble their pets. I'm not saying that I have the head of a Yorkie, but you know what I mean??

For example.

A woman sitting across from me had a scrappy-looking mystery dog and sported some frizzy/greasy hair and a holey t-shirt. She seemed nice and was talkative, asking me what breed Romeo and Coco were and did a little baby-talking to them through their carry-ons.

An elderly, orange-haired woman sat a seat away from me with saggy nylons and a Cocker Spaniel mix. I'm pretty sure she was falling asleep in her chair - probably past her nap time.

A nervous man with a comb-over and tennis shoes - that looked like they were tied so tight that his circulation had to be cut off - had a little French Bulldog with a cone around it's head. The man kept making little noises and cleared his throat about 100 times, making no effort to interact (thank goodness!).

I sat there playing Freecell on my phone when the next woman walked in.

I was immediately slammed in the face with the smell of dirty hair and ketchup. Whooahh. The woman looked exactly like that mom with 19 children, Michelle Duggar. She had tons of hair. And she was wearing a bonnet hat.

The Duggar Family when there were only 16 of them..
Of alll the seats to choose from, of course Ketchup Cat Lady chooses to park herself - and her pet kennel  - in a seat directly next to mine. Ketchup Duggar! Why not enjoy a little space of your own and sit every-other? Aside from the stench protruding from her, why force me to share my armrest, when there were 20 other empty chairs? Isn't that just ettiquette? Hmph. It didn't end there. She started making these little high squeak sounds and high-pitched "hmmmm" and "ohhhhh" sounds. At first I looked around to see if anyone else was hearing what I was hearing. Was this lady joking?? 

I watched out of the corner of my eye as Ketchup Duggar proceeded to have a "conversation" with whatever was inside of the kennel she had balancing on her lap. She continued to talk to it as if it was talking back to her, responding with "awww.. I know honeyyy! I know.. It's OK.. It's OK.." I tried to look a little closer to  identify exactly what Stinky was talking to, and I saw it. It was a monstrosity of a cat.. at least 25 pounds. What the heck?! I tried to shift myself to the other side of my chair, to keep myself from gagging on the smell. 

The receptionist called Ketchup Duggar to the counter for some questions, and of course she had to bring her mammoth cat with her. She shuffled up to the counter - bonnet included - and as the receptionist asked her a couple questions, Duggs began to pace. PACE! Why was she pacing? And not just a step or two. She took about 25 steps in one direction and headed back and forth for a good 1-2 minutes, nonstop. I couldn't stop watching, waiting for her Reebok's to fail her, as she was severely pigeon-toed and ridiculously uncoordinated. 

As the pacing continued, I seriously couldn't stop watching. All of a sudden.. before my very eyes, Stinky Head trips on her own feet and practically biffed it right there on the floor. I think I heard myself gasp as I watched her wobbling out of control or maybe I was overwhelmed with embarrassment for her and her unfortunate ensemble. Why, lady?? After nearly wiping out, she paced one more time for good measure, as if her near-death experience was all a part of her master plan. 

Finally my name was called and Stinky Dugg's just stood and watched as I hauled my pups to the back. She gave one last wave (oh yes, she waved.) and an, "Awww buh-byyee!!" to Romeo before we were out of her sight. If Romeo was capable of dropping his jaw, that probably would have been the time. 

A hefty vet bill and an hour later, we were on our way. Ohh, until next time. 


1 comment:



Related Posts with Thumbnails